How to be a Snooty Tea Person

24 Dec
Necessary study aid.

Necessary study aid.

Whether you’re a casual Lipton drinker or an obnoxious tea-litist like this guy, tea is becoming A Thing. Starbucks is getting into it with a new Tazo tearoom slated for spring 2013, but in case you weren’t sure they were serious, they’ve jumped on the Teavana bandwagon and grabbed the reins for themselves.

You want in on the fun, too. Why? Because tea is boiled leaf juice that contains about fifty million things to make you smarter, better, faster, stronger. At the start of the day it can give your system that kick to speed up metabolism and improve focus, so that by the time you’re done being awesome at the end of the day, it can pull a warm, fuzzy blanket over your mind and body for that mmmmsogood sleep you’ve been waiting for. And that’s not even getting into the crazy healing business–brew up some ginger and you’ve got a tasty Tums replacement. You want antioxidants? It’s got antioxidants. Antioxidants like Arnold Schwarzenegger’s muscles back in the day, so massively jacked up that you wonder dear hell, how come they haven’t burst through his skin already.

That’s how it started for me, at any rate. What can I say? Who doesn’t want antioxidant-muscles getting inside their muscles?

Fast forward five years later, and with a sip I can tell you whether that green tea came from China or Japan.

But I didn’t level up that skill by heading off to Yunnan and training with a master. All I did was drink one cup of tea at a time. And like it. Or dislike it. Or not particularly care about it. It didn’t break the bank, nor did it require more than five-ten minutes of my day. It became one of the best parts of the day, in fact; wherever, whenever, breaktime in a mug.

So, how to get started on your own VIP card to the Tea-lite?

1. Pick a tea that tickles your fancy.
2. Get a sample set. If you want to go cheap, grocery stores are your friend; just grab a few boxes of your tea of choice, as long as they’re all different. If you want to invest, head for the loose leaf. I recommend Adagio’s samplers; for the price of a few boxes of grocery store tea, you get 4 delicious varieties.
3. Drink tea.
4. Enjoy.
5. Drink more tea. Drink teas that you might less enjoy. Or more. And if you don’t care one way or another–hello Lipton–then that’s just dandy too.
6. Walk into Teavana and be unable to be coerced by the overeager employees. Intimidate them with your palate. Win.

And if you’d like to add more tea-lovers to your life, look us up.


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